Talking About Sex as an Escort
First published on Medium, 9/13/19 under another name. Lightly edited to better suit me four years later. And then again, for now.
I've been "different" my whole life. Whatever "different" is supposed to mean. No one has ever explicitly explained my differentness" to me, other than I'm not like them and they don't like that.
This carries into escort work, where clients continue to tell me I'm "different." Whatever that means. They're never able to define it.
Only one man I questioned about this gave a real answer. He said I was able to carry an actual conversation. Yes, of course I can. That makes me "different"???
In some ways, I've tried to deliberately be different. I have discussed sex openly on my website since 2014, though I've toned it down a lot because it made clients think I'm a "nympho," which I'm not (nor is nymphomania a real thing).
Worse, I have come to realize I need to remove it entirely because discussing sex is declassè in the minds of most clients. I'm not sure why, because sex is what they think they want when they start looking at escort ads in the first place.
Maybe the mere mention of sex blows their minds to the point where they're surprised I can string together a full sentence in person. That's a serious sex=dumb connotation to unpack, and unpack I shall, but on another day. (That sex=dumb applies to me but not them is an astounding double-standard.)
It certainly causes other escorts to raise their brows at me, to simply assume they're so much classier because they don't allude to sex, even though they maybe use common acronyms for sexual acts, have far more explicit photos, or throw potty-mouthed tantrums on social media. Discussing sex as an escort could certainly be seen as a legally-risky thing; that doesn't automatically equate to classless.
Sex has nothing to do with class. Even if you're using a beautiful solid gold butt plug, you still might have to clean poop off of it when you pull it out.
I'm aware of this truth, just as I'm aware I'm quite reserved and refined in reality, and cerebral to the point of getting turned on by new ideas as opposed to the physicality of the man who started the conversation.
Sex is human. It is how we're all here, and certainly the motivation behind so much of human history. Sex is quite normal, and the clinical range of "normal" is much broader than most people think.
However…I am supposed to present a certain level of decorum for the sake of attracting more refined men. Too much forwardness ruins "the chase" or makes them worry I'm going to show up swigging from a bottle of beer and belching in public while wearing a very short, tight skirt. Or something.
In the process of revamping my website (again), I've decided to class it up according to all current standards, remove any overtly sexy remarks, and store them here. So basically this post is a repository of my very-polished thoughts on sex with my clients that they can read (or not) as they wish and that used to appear on my site.
These words are my very real thoughts, based on my experiences through the years. I'm aware these words have appeared on other websites, sometimes in rather mangled form; those women are not me. If they were, they wouldn't put my words on their sites to try and improve business, they'd have the sense to realize when too much is too much.
About you (my ideal client)
You are…above all else, masculine.
You truly love women and all things feminine. You love fucking, bringing pleasure with your body. You're neither timid or inexperienced, yet don't think the words performance and sex belong in the same sentence.
You long to lose yourself in the moment with a highly-responsive woman, not an actress who fakes orgasms or interest. You want a sexually-experienced woman who savors you because you're a man. Such a woman excites you, not intimidates you. Real is sexy to you, as it is to me. Genuine is your preference for all things, especially the quality of your relationships.
Though you're successful, you don't rely only on labels to denote quality (you like what you like). You're an intelligent man hiding a strong sensual streak under your workaday suit (or uniform!). You're not indecisive and prefer to be a man of action, rather than letting life happen to you.
I like men with a certain amount of life experience, gravitas, and worldliness. Such men are a counterpoint to my sweetness and softness. Yin to yang. That's the ideal, isn't it?
But…if you think your erections are the be-all, end-all aspect of our time together to the point where you use a pill to attain them, you're not the man for me.
About us, together
I want to meet my sexual match. I'm healthy, in my 40s, and experienced. My match is going to be an exceptional man. He's who I like the best.I don't like having to perform orgasms. I prefer sex to feel genuine, whether it's just cuddles, or basic vanilla, or break-the-bed. I like to be free to respond naturally, and I hope you respond in kind.
If I felt sex was a performance, I'd be doing it on camera or on a stage for an audience. Having sex with someone that I like (and who hopefully likes me back) is the starting point, and it's not a goddamn performance.
More than anything, I love to be touched by someone who knows how. By someone who can appreciate the art of the natural curves of a woman, the delicate nature of my nerve endings, who instinctively knows true luxury isn't something that can be bought, it's sensual indulgence for its own sake.
On the non-cerebral side, I want you to fuck me and I want to revel in how good your cock makes me feel. I don't know how good our chemistry will be until we fuck, I don't really know a man until he's fucked me.
You should leave me with that special glow that comes from simultaneously feeling sexually appreciated and drained. You know you've gotten me there when I'm all giggles and fuck.
On chemistry
Everyone is different and I respond naturally to you and the moment we share.
Chemistry has very little to do with appearance, age, race, or size but has almost everything to do with your attitude and how well we fuck together. (Secret tip: Making me come a lot deludes me into believing we have chemistry.)
Desire is both a reciprocal energy and a circular one. It feeds on itself, until it reaches a peak frenzy and then slowly cools. This is the natural progression I'm most comfortable with, which is why I prefer to begin over cocktails or dinner. Let nature take its course with both of us.
That's all I wanted to share here, today. I've many thoughts and feelings on the matter. Some of those will follow, at some point.
I'm going to pare my site down to the bare minimum, start posting more here. I want a man who is willing to go on a bit of a treasure hunt if he wants to get to know me. Expend a little energy and time getting to know me beforehand. The men I've connected best with are the ones who have bothered to do a treasure hunt across my social media, and enjoyed what they found. Not a shocker. If someone likes what I've put out there, it means we're going to get along in person. I'm very much myself on social media.
Please note I have less social media now than when I wrote this.
I don't mind providing information about myself because it helps your selection process. A guy who sees my photos and just wants to bang me tonight ASAP isn’t the type of connection I’m seeking. I'm not my photos, that's just the body I happen to live in. I'm the words you're reading now, my mind, what I actually think.
That's probably the most INFJ thing I've ever said.
I can't even maintain the full-on sex-talk here. I drift off into the territory of feelings and other intangible concepts. I'm a very grounded, practical person, with a very dreamy bent if you let me ramble on.
The rambling has come to a close for today.
Oh, before I leave here: sexsexsexsex! There, wasn't that totally dirty and filthy and classless?