Fun With Slogans and Stats

While I’ve been procrastinating here I’ve spent a lot of that time working on my other thing. That’s a whole different conversation, though. 

Concurrently, I was working through many of the same branding and marketing worksheets and writing prompts as Ava. Sometimes I had some real insight. Other times I had fun, such as coming up with slogans, taglines, or trying to figure out what makes me different compared to other ladies in the area (I know only one of them, so I can only go by what the rest make public). I came up with an impressive list of stats too, an important part of copywriting formulas.

Here are some stats that might answer questions you have:

Number of times I’ve been recognized while dining out as a companion: 0
Number of times I’ve had to leave due to someone using drugs or excessive drinking: 0
Number of times I’ve attracted media attention: 0
Number of times I expect to attract media attention in the future: 0
Number of times I’ve deliberately directed familial attention to a client: 0
Amount of money I’ve collected via blackmailing efforts: $0
Number of times I’ve had cosmetic surgery: 0
Last time I had aesthetic medical services (Botox and lip filler): 2017
Number of times I’ve contracted an incurable disease: 0
Number of times I’ve been tested: countless, as many as 4x/year to as few as 2x/year
Number of times I’ve crushed someone’s balls: 0
Number of times I’ve been interested in doing so: Currently, for the first time ever
Number of foot fetishists I’ve entertained: less than a dozen, unfortunately
Number of legal authorities I’ve allowed in my door: 0
Number of military entertained: a fair number, active and retired
Number of times I’ve met someone who provided no verifiable screening information: 0
Number of times I’ve pleasantly surprised a new client with my appearance: numerous
Number of time I have not: a handful, reality never compares to an idealized fantasy (especially if specific clothing requests are involved)
Number of times a client has not pleased me with his appearance: quite a number, and it always comes down to general hygiene and general presentation
Number of times a client has pleased me: numerous, gentleman who take care with their grooming are always appreciated (make me feel like you’re courting me, not like you just finished changing the oil in your car)
Number of times I’ve fallen asleep on a client: 20 or so? More? It’s embarrassing.
Number of clients who’ve fallen asleep on me: 30-40%? It makes me feel like I did something right.
Number of drinks that are my limit: 2
What happens when I go over my limit: I get silly, sometimes talkative, sometimes affectionate
Number of assistants I currently have: 0
Number of times Hunter Biden has booked me: 0 
Number of Louboutins I own: 0
Number of Chanel shoes/bags/clothing I own: 3
Number of designer shoes/bags/clothing on my Life Improvement List: 0
Number of unusual things on that list: most of it
Number of new books I read per year: a handful
Number of books I reread per year: this constitutes most of my book-reading
Number of dog-ears in a book I really enjoy: all of them
Number of highlights in a printed book: none
Number of highlights in an ebook: 0-12 (I bookmark more than highlight)
Number of Internet bookmarks I have: several thousand, vaguely organized
Number of tabs open on my computer or handheld device at given time: 8-40
Number of steps I take in an average day at home: 100
Number of 5ks I’ve run: 5
Number of different teas in my cupboard and fridge: 17 (I feel this is a restrained amount)
Number of different teas I would have in an ideal world: probably up to 50
Number of emails it really takes to see me: 5-10, dependent on how well you follow instructions and assuming no scheduling conflicts
Number of attempts where I’ve tried to condense the process but ended up making it worse: probably a dozen or so
Number of projects I have going at any one time: 3-5
Number of projects I complete and send off into the world without ever revisiting: 0 (everything can always be improved, being a solopreneur is a Sisyphean undertaking)
Number of years I expect to remain as Ava: less than 5
Number of years I will be UTR and no longer public as Ava: it’s the ideal arrangement for my future in Richmond
Number of times I’ve brought no lingerie to a photoshoot: 2
Number of times I’ve worn no lingerie to a booking: 0 (unless upon request)

And there’s the tagline process, something I used to enjoy but now feels limiting. This is when I came up with what I think is a really nice tagline: Soulful Sophisticate, though after some Googling, I realized this could come across as though I’m depressed (I’m not), or that I’m black (I’m not), or that I’m pretending I’m black (I’m not). In other words, maybe back to the slogan-board, though I continue to use it.

Encapsulating an entire human into a few words is difficult no matter what. Even worse is the fact that they mostly won’t be read. It’s a lot of sweat over something very small that likely doesn’t matter to you, but does to me. Taglines and slogans have always been a part of branding that interests me, even if my own efforts aren’t that great.

Some of the ones I like well enough to share in public, but mostly it’s me being funny:

The Gen X’er Sexer
Thoughtful companionship for men of discernment.
Genuine companionship, fake orgasms not included.
No fake nails, fake hair, fake orgasms, or fake breasts.
Soul-building, not ego-puffing.
The nicest, most wholesome bad girl you’ll ever meet.
Striking
Wouldst thou like to live…deliciously? [No signatures required.]
Chase but never catch
Seat-filler of life
In the era of parasocial relationships, I offer a real one.
Let’s role play: you be Hunter Biden and I’ll be an escort.
I promise I’ll get you off or, well, I’ll give up and go home.
I have all my teeth and I shower, too.
Mistress for hire.
Substance over flash.
The gold that does not glitter. 

All things considered, I don’t think I made the wrong choice with my current tagline.

Let's not discuss my changing logos. It wasn't until I made my current logo into a tiny size that I realized I re-created American Airlines's old logo. There's something to be made with the V in my name and city, but so far, I'm not the one to make it as I'm no graphic designer. This logo is the best of several attempts over the past year.